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Infinite Menus, Copyright 2006, OpenCube Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Nick Hiltbrand


            We’re all afraid of something. Some have more logical fears than others, but I think it’s safe to say that most people have that one (or many) irrational fear, or phobia of something that most people find well… dumb. I’ll be the first to admit that I frequently attack the logic behind some of the strange fears of others. Spiders? Yeah, I get it with black widows and such, but what are you doing hopping up on a table when you see a daddy longlegs? The dark? What are we five? Heights? Again, we’d all be afraid if we were window cleaning a skyscraper and one of the cables on our platform snapped, but ladders, tree houses and hotel balconies? C’mon.

            I’m now going to go ahead and cue the hypocrisy and dive into my much more logical phobia (yep, an oxymoron I know), large bodies of water. Yep, ask all my friends/family, I’m none too fond of the ocean or really even large lakes for that matter. Google informs me that my fears are best categorized as thalassophobia, or the fear of seas, oceans and lakes.  Will I pass out if I even look at one? No. Have I swam in all types of large bodies of water? Yep, doesn’t mean I’m at all at ease doing so. I like to think that my reasons for being weary are quite valid however.

            Hear me out on this… Humans are land animals, we weren’t given wings so we could fly nor were we really given any sort of fins so we could navigate competently through the waters. Yes, unlike with flying we are (kind of) capable of swimming without the need to construct something to aid us. If you ask me though, I’d have it the other way around. Why? Let’s forget about the whole drowning aspect for a second, but I don’t remember seeing Jaws (or anything more dangerous than a catfish for that matter) cruising through the skies recently on animal planet… It’s a medium we simply weren’t meant to be in unless we absolutely have to, and the way I see it, we’re kind of at the mercy of thousands (many of which have yet to be discovered) of creatures much better suited in the waters than we are.

            It takes up the majority of the planet’s surface, you can’t be submerged in it for too long or you’ll drown, often times you can’t be in it too long or you’ll freeze (plus having your fingers get all pruned is the worst!), Jaws, Ursula, Davy Jones, Icebergs, Moby Dick, The Kraken, Plankton, Godzilla, Megatron and Cloverfield all have resided in/on it, and if you’re stranded out in it you can’t drink it most times or you’ll get sick and die.


Thanks but I’ll take the criticism and stay on land!

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  • Nick & Josh deliver the game ball to the mound at Fifth Third Field Nick & Josh deliver the game ball to the mound at Fifth Third Field
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